I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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