In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The power of my boobs compel you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
