and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
