im having a threesome with these popsicles
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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