Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
