My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
