Tell her she can't have a vagina
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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