i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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