): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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