in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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