i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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