no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
