Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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