i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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