This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
