I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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