i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
