I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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