soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
