I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Pants are for mortals
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
