Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
