took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
