im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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