i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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