I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
