I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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