woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
