She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
