dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
