her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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