4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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