Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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