my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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