at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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