the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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