Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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