Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize