Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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