theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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