you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
