Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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