he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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