I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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