: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
