I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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