That's when you crack a 10am beer
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
