oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
