I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
