if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
