My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
