you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
