1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
