If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
