God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
