im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
