Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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